Kuwait, both everything and nothing I expected.

Hi family. I'm sitting here, in Kuwait, like a tool b/c I brought my laptop to an internet cafe, not realizing they provide the computers, and relieved to have that big chunk of the journey over with. And oh what a journey it was.

So, this past week has been filled with a contained excitement, and in hopes of pushing the anticipation to it's breaking point, I decided to wait until the end of the week to do all the things I needed to in order to prepare for the trip. I don't know why I do this. It's the same at Christmas time, when I push the bulk of my shopping off until 3 days before Christmas, and lately, Christmas Eve. I have a sick problem. I had turned in my AMR papers a week before (Air Movement Request) and asked to leave as soon as Saturday. So, I'm foolishly thinking I can push things off (packing, finish work, clean out email, get important documents together), and go about my week with coming home at the back of my mind at all times. I did get a few things done ahead of time, like give Dave a calendar of all the projects I do through the week so he knows when he needs to do them, and I shipped a box home of dvd's borrowed from you lovely family members, and books I've read and need to move so I can acquire more books. But that's about it. And I had S-Tina/Florentine telling me to pack early b/c I might be asked to leave earlier in case bad weather was predicted or something. And I laughed, and agreed with her, all the while knowing I would do nothing. (I know this is a lot of preface, but meh, I don't have much to do here but bore you all with the details).

Well, Friday morning rolls around. I oversleep a little bit b/c I went to the gym the night before and that had me revved when I should have been trying to go to sleep. I go in, send a couple of emails, and get a phone call from our Operations guy asking me to see him when he gets a moment. Still thinking everything is cool, b/c we are usually told what time our flight is leaving the day before. Well, I go down, and he informs me that Saturday and Sunday are Red Days...basically, no one but super important people or emergencies are going to get out over those next two days. As a contractor going on R&R, I am at the bottom of the totem pole. So he recommends I go down to the ADAC (airfield) and put my name on the standby list so I can possibly get out today. WHAT????? is what I'm thinking in my head, while telling him that sounds like great advice. I clearly don't want to push it until after the weekend because if weather becomes an issue, then I would potentially miss my chance to get to Kuwait in time for my flight.

Okay, this story is already getting way to long. I'll sum up with the highlights, and details will come when I get to talk to you all face to face. Basically, I go and find out that I need to be back at the ADAC in 2 hours to see if I can get on (you are supposed to be there 4 hours before the flight to see if you are on the manifest). I get back, do the fastest packing job ever, go to work and do as much as I can (send in my vacay timecards, clean out my email), and rush to the ADAC, only to sit for 7 straight hours, weasel my way onto a flight, sit for 5 more hours, and finally fly to Kuwait. Events during this trip include waiting on the actual airfield for our plane to land, only to board it 5 minutes later, nearly throwing up on the flight over (no joke, I had cold sweats and everything, and was convinced the trip would end in me barfing in my helmet), get to Kuwait and become incredibly confused over Kuwaiti Dinar (their currency...I had to withdraw some Dinar to pay for my visa, thought they said thirty, when in fact they said three, withdraw 40 to cover my bases, only to discover I withdrew approximately 200 dollars worth of dinar), get to my tent which is filled with 6 bunkbeds and a light that never shuts off, get lost the next morning and have to go back to billeting to discover where I sleep, and spend my day reading and getting more familiar with the surroundings.

Needless to say, it's been a very eventful 36 hours. Now I am at the internet cafe, with only 22 more minutes on my session, tired and dreading the return to the tent, and wondering how I am going to fill the next 4 days. But, like I said, this is one huge chunk of my journey done. Soon I will be in the Kuwaiti airport, weeded out of my mind trying to figure out my ticket, find my gate, and entertain myself for 4 hours. Good times in the Middle East.

So much to do, so little time...

In two weeks, if all goes well, I should be sitting in Dulles Airport right about now, waiting 90 minutes to board a plane that takes me to Kansas City, where Kyle should be waiting to pick me and Kathy up. It's a moment I've thought about a lot, and one that is getting closer and closer.

How do I feel? Well, excited, of course, but as the time draws nearer, a lot of other emotions are going through me as well. Panic, that I will forget something crucial (like my passport or check card). Curiosity, has four months changed my perspective, or is that all hooey that I tell myself to convince myself I've grown. Anxiety, that my planning for this wedding shower will still not be enough and I'll be left scrambling the two days I have before it. Hope, that I will not drag my heels when it's time to say goodbye again and know that the next stint over here will allow me to go to Europe. Irritation, at all the grad school processes I have to take care of while home and still haven't gotten done over here. Dread, at that stupid GRE. Fear, that all the steps I have to take to actually get to Kuwait, and then get to the Kuwaiti airport, will be hard and influenced by factors out of my control. Glee, at the thought of all the friends and family I get to see, and that my only responsibility while being home is to see all of you.

Was that enough emoting for you? The robot feels. It's true. Right now, the more negative ones are taking over. For three and a half months, it was all excitement, but now I'm filled with all the things I need to do. I need to study more (I've slacked in the past few weeks), I need to write a rough draft of a personal statement, I need to make a good list of everything I plan to borrow from Mom and Dad (sleeping bag, pillow, piece of cardboard covered in foil for the cake I'm decorating,)(see? I've already started), I need to make a good list of things I need to do before the wedding, I need to see if my dress still fits, I need new clothes and shoes, I need to ship some boxes home, I need to clear my desk of all my work and make procedures for those who are taking over my duties, I need to go to logistics to get my air and ground movement papers filled out, I need to not eat that delicious ice cream bar that calls my name every day at the DFAC, I need to get my lodging set up and finalize plans, I need, I need, I need.

Okay, just breathe Beckie. These are good weeds. They get you closer to the goal. You don't need to stress about this because in two weeks, you will be in America. You will be chilling with Kathy, planning out your first taste of American food (she's thinking Chipotle, I'm leaning towards Jimmy Johns). You will be getting your haircut the day after, and you know how much you love someone to touch your head (you were a dog in another life). You will be eating Mom and Dad's homemade pizza soon. You will get to hold Noah and see how much he's grown. You get to drive your own car and listen to NPR. You get to sleep in. You get to go to the movie theater and pay way too much money for popcorn you never finish and watch a movie that is more than likely not worth the build-up (if only The Road could be released in October). You get to sit around various tables, laughing with friends and family, and just be.

Wow, when starting this entry, I didn't realize it would become three paragraphs full of lists. The past two days though, this has been my thought process. And I have a feeling, it will be for the next two weeks. Pray for the weather to not be crappy when I'm trying to leave Speicher and Kathy is trying to leave the IZ. Pray that I will figure out all the steps I have to take both here, and then at Tent City while I wait for my flight (I'll be there about 3 days). Pray that the flights are on time and travel safely. Other than that, just hold tight b/c I'll be seeing you all soon.

Is there a fall in Iraq?

I hate that September is when the season of Fall officially begins. I mean, what a tease. You begin to anticipate that cool weather, the smell of burning wood, the anticipation of sweaters and brisk mornings. I remember the first day of school always had a bite in the air that seemed appropriate for the new things starting. Now I'm starting to wonder if I imagined it all. If my memory filled in the blanks with what I wish September brought. I think I did. I'm pretty sure those yearly pictures of us going of to school the first day are filled with shorts. And shorts do not go well with brisk mornings. Maybe I'm getting sentimental for the chilliness of Indian summer because I am in the armpit of the world. I mean, I thought the heat of June and July was the worst it could get. And I was quite proud of myself for the graceful way I handled it...i.e. I didn't get angry at random things like I normally do when hot. Then August rolled around and I realized my ignorance of the past two months. August was a beast. It was even hot at 4:30 in the morning, a time that I previously cherished b/c it was so cool and pleasant.

So I've eagerly been anticipating September, hearing that things cool off right about now. And I don't know why I'm so surprised to find they haven't. They never do back home. My fake memories are just that, fake. September is just as miserable as August, but worse somehow, because you are so ready for fall. You've drug out all of your sweaters and cute closed-toed shoes, eager to rock the layers, only to discover the layers would cause a heat stroke if you were to actually attempt them. I think the heat is finally getting to me. I'm so irritated by it that I'm even imagining being back home in the states and getting irritated with it. I have multi-continental irritation with heat right now.

On that scholastic note, I just got Sarah's calculator in the mail, so I must begrudgingly begin my math preparations for the GRE. Horror. I hate to sound like a cliche, but seriously, most of the stuff I'm having to study for I will never use in my future life. In fact, if faced with a stupid analogy or algebraic problem, I will run in the opposite direction and sign up for the first garbage collecting job I can get. Seriously, none of the things I want to do truly involve the contents of the GRE. I understand the necessity of the LSAT, and the MCAT and even the one for engineering. But the GRE? I think Kaplan just found another way to make a buck off of desperate students. Or it's another government conspiracy to keep us distracted from the sheer ineptitude of the balance of powers.

Maybe I need a break...I'm finding conspiracies in everything. Time for a vacay.


Oh, and thank you so much Sarah. We have a lunch/ice cream date in our near future so I may show my utter gratitude. You are the best!

I'm either really predictable or you guys are really good. You decide.

I like to think that when they were handing out brains, I thought they said awesome family, and asked for a big one. Okay, I know that's not how the usual joke goes and that if Dad were left in charge of it, he would have come up with the perfect substitute for brains and had it still transition perfectly into what I"m going to write about. Sue me. I'm bad at puns.
Back to this awesome family, I really must have done something right up there, because I just sit here smiling, thinking about how great you are. This past week, I've gotten not one, but two care packages from my dear older sisters, Emily and Elise. Add that to the weekly letters I get from either mom or one from Elise or Juli (who I've decided have set up some sort of schedule so I get a letter from one of them every couple of weeks or so), and also the things I've ordered online, and I'm getting a reputation for most mail received. And man, that makes me happy (and a little smug). It makes my morning go by more quickly (that's when we get it), it keeps my afternoon light just thinking about it, and I go to bed counting my blessings like Bing tells us.

Just to give you all a taste of some of the things I've got, here are some pix. For the first one, to represent Juli's, I had to pull a picture from the internet of my favorite item in her care package, b/c I ate the rest of it. So I have no evidence except my satisfied face to show you. (Sorry I didn't get a pic in before devouring the care package, Juli).

These were included in my healthy food care package, and I am only slightly ashamed to say that I was able to down all the bags (I think there were three) in one sitting, defeating the whole 100 calorie purpose. But I couldn't help myself. They were delicious. I loved everything else, but these little suckers stood out in my mind.




Next care package I received was from mom. It included some old magazines (which I love, b/c everything is old to me here, so I don't even notice. I've even shared the National Geographics with a fellow NG lover). She also included some movies in a Netflix-esque arrangement, a cute little lambie, some pictures of you all (which are perfect for my room and office) and other little thoughtful gestures.



Then I got a care package from Emily. She had thoughtfully included some books I've been wanting to read (most of them her favorites, so now I get someone to talk to about the books), some fun little things like that unicorn picture I'm working on coloring, some flavored lip-gloss (and I know she couldn't have guessed it, but my favorite thing right now are the healthy versions of the cookies the lip-gloss is flavored like...I lick my lips all the time), jewelry, and some really cute fingerless gloves from Etsy (?I think?).



Here's a pic of my awkward looking hand holding the series of Arrested Development that Joe is graciously letting me borrow (thanks again!). I can't wait to revisit the crazy Bluth family. I've decided George Michael is going to be my favorite for this viewing. And I love the gloves. They are so punk, yet so cute and comfortable. I am ready to rock them at work!!!



And today, I got a care package from Elise, who I swear must be reading my mind, b/c she included mini hand lotions, sanitizers, m&m's (peanut and peanut butter) and more books and movies for me to enjoy. Plus, she included drink mixes to add to my bottled water (the only thing I drink over here) and a set of Monet note-cards so that you all may continue to enjoy my rambling letters in a pretty package.

All of these packages truly reinforce how much you guys know me. I mean Juli, without any provocation from me (that I know of...did we talk while I was asleep?) packed me tons of healthy snacks and fun little presents within the first month of being here. And then Mom sends me movies that are just what I wanted to watch. And though she knew I knew about the movies, she still included other things she knows' I will enjoy (the lamb was a perfect touch. It reminds me of your music studio and Alfred). Next is Emily who added the perfect small gestures that just made me smile. I can't wait to show off my owl bling, and dive into those books. And I lasted 2 hours before I had to start coloring that silly unicorn picture. Finally, Elise, who I SWEAR must be reading my mind. My hands get so dry over here and I find myself applying lotion all of the time. The thing is, I've been using the rest of this scentless lotion my predecessor left behind. And scentless smells like play-dough. Yuck. But I don't have a lot of options over here. So getting those mini lotions was perfect. And I love the sanitizers, which will be well used b/c with all those dust storms, I'm constantly washing my hands. And it's just everything else. She knows how much I love crosswords, so she included NY Times crosswords for me. Elise remembered that Monet is my favorite artist, and gets me cards with his paintings on the front.

I could go on and on about all of you for the things you've sent me. But that might get dull. And this entry isn't meant to make anyone feel guilty for not sending me something (I've already laid that guilt trip down, and look, it got me three packages). I just am so delighted that all of you get me. You really put thought into what I would like, what I need, and what would make me smile. I mean, I don't think I'm that predictable, so it must mean that you guys really take the time to know me. Man, I got lucky. Each of those packages are very different from the other, yet they all manage to fit me perfectly.

I love you all so much, and I can't thank you enough for your support, whether it be in your prayers, your comments, or wrapped up in a nicely, overtaped (thanks post office), package.

Dust Storm Watch/Warning

Due to the success of posting some pictures, I thought I would continue that trend this week with the latest. I didn't take these pix, but I would have if I had time to run back to my CHU (compact housing unit) in time.

First off is an image of my work trailer and an average weather day at Speicher. Hot, pretty clear, windy (though you can't tell in the picture), with helicopters coming and going all day long.


Now, the other day, we had a duststorm approaching. Normally, about twice a week, we will have a duststorm hang around all day long. People are recommended to wear masks when walking outside, you feel dirty all day, and visibility is like that of a foggy day. To help you understand, imagine a day with constant, but light rainfall. Definitely noticable, but you get used to it and it doesn't effect you too much. Now, the duststorm in these pictures is what a tornado would be like. You can see it coming, it's very powerful, but doesn't last longer than 20 minutes. Plus, they are not common at all. I was very excited to get to view one of these.
Isn't that crazy looking? Now, for weather, this is moving very fast, but in our minds, not that fast. People saw this in the distance, and we had about 5-10 minutes to stand there and gawk before we would get caught in it.

There I am, acting cheesy for the camara, and clearly pointing out the obvious.

Now, at this point, I go back inside b/c I don't want to be caught in the middle of it. Those who have been caught tell me it gets much hotter, windier, and visibility is zero. In fact, Dave's been in one that was much larger, much blacker, and he said no one could even see their hands for the first few minutes of the storm. This one wasn't nearly as bad.

I love this picture because it's like a before and after paint job. By the way, the person posing is the head of USACE in the north. Her name is Colonel Burcham.

This last one is right before it really started to hit us. It only took a few minutes to cover the sky and make it seem like we were in a dust-globe.


Cool, eh? So, this is the tornado equivalant of a duststorm in Iraq. I hope you can get a pretty good sense of what it's like. Just another day in the crazy life of a desert dweller.

An attempt at some pictures...

Hello all. I apologize for my extended absence. I won't go into details now, but let's just say numerous times the MWR trailer has failed me. We aren't speaking right now, but we can be in the same room. Progress.

I am going to attempt to post some pictures of my surroundings. We will see how it goes.






Alright, this here is a picture of the bunker I am to run into if an air-raid or something to that effect occurs. Hasn't happened yet, and I'm not gonna lie, I will be a happy camper if I never see the inside of that sucker. These sandbag surrounded bunkers are all over the USACE and other compounds. In fact, in the unfortunate event that I may need this, I doubt I will be joined by anyone in here b/c there are so many to choose from. And being alone frightens me. I mean, Florentine (S-Tina to Emily), the administrative assistant who I talk to a lot once was in her bunker during one of many air-raids in the early days of the war, fell asleep, and no one thought to tell her when it was all done. She woke up a couple of hours later, walked into work and was like, "Why didn't anyone tell me I could go back?" Apparently, they are supposed go bunker to bunker to do a head count. I still laugh thinking about her napping during an air-raid, decked out in her gear, which leads me to...




This is my official gear. Much better than most as it is lighter and prettier. The other's have these brick filled camo-versions. I'll try to get a picture of that later so you can compare. I keep this in my work trailer, where we are required to keep it. I've only worn it once, on my flight from Baghdad to Speicher, and it was not fun. I didn't wear the helmet b/c I'll be honest with you; I'm not sure if I can work it right. I really need to try it out, but the only time I have was in front of expert military folks and I already looked like a fish out of water...why encourage that image?


Alright, so this is the Town Square so to speak. First off, notice those two lovely patches of grass that they justify owning a self-propelling mower for. Second, notice the cute little lights. They really try to make us feel like we are in a cul-de-sac or something. Lastly, you will notice that structure there in the middle. Not only does it have ceiling fans in it (why??), but it has speakers hooked up and lighting; once a week, Aloha Bob (he's from Hawaii if you don't get it) set's up his awesome movie screen, his projector and shows a movie for anyone who wants to see it. I watched "No Country For Old Men" there. Unfortunately, the other movie choices are often lacking (he's apparently a big Jackie Chan fan...and not the good Jackie Chan movies), so I don't usually partake. But it's nice to know about. On the other side are a bunch of picnic tables, automatic seating for our monthly Hail and Farewells. And when we bid adieu to our commander, this place was packed with chairs and coolers for bottled water. Even then, I had to stand for most of it, b/c chairs are for important people. Not lowly contractors. I'm filing a discrimination lawsuit as we speak.

Lastly, we have the famous picture I couldn't upload but had you all pitted in a fierce competition to guess. Well, I guess it was more mild than fierce. Sad for me. I like to see biting involved in all competitive pursuits. Anyways, these signs are posted ALL OVER the laundry room. The funny thing is, while I don't think any of us would send out fliers of the information we deal with, neither do we really handle that sensitive of material. Sure, maybe the E&C chief does, as well as our commander. But the majority of us deal with plain ole' contracts and projects. Oh, and proof that aliens exist and live in Iceland. But you all knew that, right? Right? ***uh-oh***

I think I've been successful here, which renews my desire to get some good pictures. Next time I head to the post office, I'll attempt a pic of Saddam's stadiums. And I want to get a good one of our many dust storms (it turns almost orange). And a Black Hawk helicopter would be nice. So stay tuned...

Dog Days and all that.

So it's the end of the first week in August. It actually went by pretty fast, which I never mind. I love things that move by quickly when I have anticipation simmering slowly. However, my panic mode for Grad School has also been moving along quickly as well. I plan to take the GRE on October 7th. Believe me, the dread and anxiety I feel over this test is only matched by the panic I feel for the actual application process and the desperate hunt for recommendations that aren't there. I have begun studying my GRE book and am already lost. I haven't even hit the math section yet. I find my mind a complete blank during the studying process and while thinking about the likelihood of getting in.

The thing is, I know it's not the end of the world if I don't get into grad school. Worse things have happened. I will do what I always do, survive. What stresses me out are those with an absolute certainty that I should get in. I hate that. Because if I don't get accepted, then I feel like I've let down more than myself. And the fact is, I'm not as competitive as people are fooling themselves into believing. I'm pretty average. Add that to the complete lack of academic recommendations I have in my court and odds aren't great. I wish I could get a job advising people what they need to do from my mistakes. I mean, yes, you hear certain bits of wisdom on what will make you really competitive for college and grad school, but I really feel they leave a lot out. For instance, the relationships you have to build with your faculty. I never realized how important this was until I was a year graduated and it was too late to go back and cultivate a mentor type bond.

So I've now feel enormous anxiety over this GRE that I don't understand, and doubt I ever will. When did it become so easy to forget everything you've ever learned? I can rock at the movie game, but give me a word analogy and I'm screwed. Because of all of this stress I've heaped on myself, work becomes a blissful relief. Never though I would say that.

Therefore, I fear/hope these next two months fly by, and then it will all be prayers and wishing after that.

Why, oh why did I not major in business?