I totes want to vom in my mouth

I know, classy title. But "I'm in Kuwait!" seemed anti-climactic since its really just a stopover into happyville, and frankly, its not like I haven't led with that before. Seriously though, ya'll, I totes want to vom in my mouth. I am almost quite literally just off the plane/bus and I still feel insanely nauseated (is that the right tense? I remember being constantly corrected b/c I would say I feel nauseous, and that would be the wrong way to say it...you know what? Screw it. You know what I mean), to the point where I am slowly sipping orange gatorade I just bought at the 24 hour PX and hoping I don't make a spectacle of myself here at the internet cafe.



You know how I love to be dramatic and claim that something I just went through is the worst thing in the world to ever go through, and how I would do a thousand other torturous tasks if it meant I never had to do that one again? Well, brace yourselves, b/c I'm about to make another bold declaration. I mean, it is HORRIBLE. I swore I would bring water, breathe deeply, and think positive thoughts to NOT feel sick, but no go. It is like the least fun amusement park ride in the world, and you are stuck on said ride for 2 hours, smelling overwhelming smells of gas fumes and military plane...something, sitting in the most uncomfortable seat ever, wearing a heavy helmet that DOESN'T fit, so it keeps sliding down your head, wearing obtrusive earplugs, no stretching room b/c you are packed to the gills, and in the extreme temperature zone (either too hot or too cold) and sometimes, under a crack in the plane where you get water dripped on you when the plane jerks, which is ALL THE TIME. Wow. Yeah. That is flying military air in a horrible, horrible nutshell. And I'm sitting there, almost praying my back goes out so it will distract me from the cold sweats and the overwhelming need to vomit while weeping. Why the weeping? Well, mainly b/c I fear it would turn into a Goonies/Chunk situation where my vomit inspires the hordes to vomit and it all escalates rapidly to the point where everyone hates me and I'm covered in my own barf. Which, would not be pleasant b/c I had a roast beef sandwich for lunch and I fear that wouldn't be the best upchuck to wear for an already miserable flight. I did not vomit, but like the last two times I flew, it was truly touch and go. And I think it was more touch this time than the other times.



I've been told there are doggie bags b/c spewing is a semi-common occurance, but I have yet to see one. I see plenty of oxygen bags which do not look user-friendly at all, so I will totes be that person who needs someone to assist her in case the need for them arises, but I do not ever see any doggie bags. Therefore, I am stealing one from one of my commercial flights and hording it. I think what makes experience all the worse is not knowing where I could barf, with the exception of all over myself/in the helmet I need to wear on my head. So maybe having a viable option will make me feel better. I also plan on taking not one, but two of my emergency muscle relaxants so I will possibly be almost comatose for the flight. Hey, you can't yark in your sleep, right? I know I should be ashamed of my planned prescription drug use, but considering the fact that flexiril is almost over-the-counter with how tame it is, and also considering how MISERABLE I am, I'm not ashamed. Feel free to call the A&E folks for the show Intervention (which I kinda love). I just don't want to have to experience that ever again, and knowing I do is almost enough to make me never return to Iraq, abandoning my laptop, at least 10 books I haven't read, my LOTR trilogy, and my series of Gilmore Girls on dvd. Almost.



Just to beat this dead horse into the ground and give ya'll some perspective, things I once said I would never want to repeat, but am now willing to repeat if it meant I never had to take a MIL-AIR flight again:

-Dentist visit, including fillings (but there is a slight condition on this...it has to be with Dr. Mathis who is really good at it compared to the masochist I went to before coming here)

-Allergic reaction to aloe when my back is sunburnt (remember that HORRIFIC experience mom?)

-Being sunburnt to the point where I have blisters on my neck (yeah, it happened after three days of no sunscreen at Johnson Shut-Ins immediately followed by an all day softball tournament with more no sunscreen...my shirt stuck to my oozing blisters)

-Strep throat so bad I have to spit in a bowl b/c I can't swallow

-That horrible Kuwait airport experience where I thought I would either have to live at the airport, or accidentaly agree to be a mid-east slave to one of the guys leering at me (Offensively put, I know)

-Having my tire blow out the night before my sisters wedding and having to walk to a pay phone, with my flip-flop breaking, so having to walk BAREFOOT on gravel/sharp sticks to a dirty gas station and pull my mom away from much more important things to pick me up



I know I could come up with more, and interestingly enough, I couldn't bring myself to put down "experience the massive anxiety of asking someone to recommend me for grad school." Maybe that time is still too fresh in my mouth to use it. I'm sure shortly following any of the aforementioned experiences, I wouldn't have quite the perspective I have now. Who knows? Right now, I'm merely consumed with thoughts of how I will kill time for the next 72 hours, and where I can go vomit that doesn't smell like sewer.