A martyr complex like none other.

It is the end of a very long day. It's been raining all day long, but cold enough to make it even more miserable. To get to the DFAC on days like this is a practice in your hopping skills. And since mine are subpar (I have remarkably bad balance), I've had wet feet all day. Add this to the constant work and the increasing stress of grad school (I'm not even in, and I can't imagine being more stressed than I am at the moment), and I'm soooo ready for today to be over. But sadly, the same problems will still be there tomorrow. Sleep may restore muscles and brain cells, but it doesn't solve problems. Someone needs to work on that.

Anyways, I've been thinking about negativity a lot lately. Let me preface this by saying that one, I recognize I'm a glass half-empty kind of gal, and am the first to admit that naive optimism makes me cringe, and then mock. Moreover, I've been known to play the martyr (not the good kind) from time to time. There's something very enticing about punishing oneself for the view of everyone, and in turn, making them feel guilty that you are in that position. It's a HORRIBLE characteristic of mine, I know, and I like to think it's gotten smaller and smaller as I've grown. (If it hasn't, I kinda don't want to know right now...wait for a better month to tell me). BUT, I don't think I even come close to the constant martyrdom/negativity that is Flo.

For the most part, I enjoy Flo's company, random remarks, movie knowledge, and easy friendship. But, a more martyred woman I have yet to meet. And it's kinda a bummer. You can't help those who won't help themselves; while I may play the martyr from time to time, I do like to think I don't complain without a resolution to change that thing or at least shut up about it. She is not the same. Long story short, we have a new E&C chief, and he rubs people the wrong way. Flo especially. And she isn't without reason here. But, not only do the side complaints get really old to listen to, she also now refuses to accept the small olive branches that have been offered out of sheer stubbornness/martyr complex. I can sympathize, but for only so long. So lately, my office has gotten a smidge toxic in the attitudes, and it's wearing on one's soul when you are there every day, all day. I will definitely be more in need of this upcoming R&R than I was of the last one.

Also, some may have already heard, but I directly have suffered from this new tinge of negativity going around. After a delightful conversation with Emily on the phone last week, as I was leaving to go to the gym, Flo stops me. Apparently, my conversations with friends and family go on too long, and it's disturbing the office. Now mind you, she claims she's speaking on behalf of our E&C chief and wanted to warn me so I know not to talk when he's in the office. I of course, know there is more than that. Before my first R&R, if I came in the office before 6 a.m., it was almost always empty. There was the rare day Flo would be there, or that Colonel Snyman would be there, but he has his own room, so neither of us disturbed one another. Since I've come back though, Flo has the new habit of being in there from 5 a.m. on, which is definitely at a time I arrange to talk to you all. So I know this new complaint of my phone habits has to be coming from her as well. I have no doubt there is some truth to her blaming it on Dale (the E&C chief), as it falls within his personality to be bugged by something like that and to say something to someone other than me. And to be fair, there was a time I was on the phone in the evening. It was random, not long, but it was a personal call.

However, I am still completely within my rights. I believe I'm over-accommodating in fact. I gave Flo many chances to speak up and say my phone time bothers her, and she never took it, so I'm going to keep on keeping on. I'm incredibly annoyed that people are taking one of the few things that makes me happy so personally and turning it into an issue, but there isn't anything I can do about it. I'm certainly not going to stop talking to you guys on the phone. However, I will try to be more conscientious of the time. For that reason, I've already pushed my time with Mom and Dad earlier, and if any of you want to set up a phone time, it will probably be earlier than what it would have been a month ago. I apologize if this causes problems for anyone. But you all know how much I love to be righteously indignant, so this way, if another complaint arises, I can lord my accommodating nature in their faces. Meh, just add it to my faults.

That wraps it up here. I'm going to try to get through these next few weeks with at least a shred of positivity. I'm hoping I can. I'll just have to find joy in the small things (like a day off next week). Love you all.