Wake me up when it's over.

I like to think that I'm pretty open minded. Yes, I have incredibly strong opinions and often will talk you into silence if you even hint at disagreeing (examples that come to mind include why Harry Potter rules, why a third party is incredibly important to a political system, why Bon Jovi is indeed a legitimate, albeit campy, rock band, why chocolate should be a food group, and why Trissy is one of the greatest dogs of all time), but for the most part, I'll still take others opinions into account when examining all sorts of issues. Furthermore, there are very few things that I am firmly against, no matter what. These things range from genocide (that's a 'duh' one), to Hooters (I don't care if the wings are good, I still won't respect you if you go there), to Family Guy (the dumbing down of America, and not in a good way like with Fear Street books or American Idol). Well, lets add another thing to the list that I am firmly against.

That's right, football. I HATE it. A more dull sport has not yet been invented. I would rather watch ants walk back and forth from their anthill than watch a football game. You would think that a sport that only gets played once a week and by only two leagues that the country cares about (NCAA and NFL), that I would only have to put up with the occasional interruption on my life. But NO, it is on ALL the time and I feel my brain leaking out in protest each second it is on the screen.

Okay, I need to backtrack here a bit. You all are probably confused by the direction I've taken. As most of you know, I try to go to the gym every day. And for the most part, I manage to do just that. I also try to go in the mornings, at 4 a.m.-ish, not only because it's less crowded, but that way I can be at work by 6 a.m. and not have to work past 6 p.m. This gym is not the luxurious workout spot that gyms in the U.S. are. By that I mean they only have one t.v., a big flat screen that is positioned perfectly in front of the elliptical machines. During the summer, I could be entertained by a number of things, whether it be the random movie on AFN's movie channel, an episode of Seinfeld, or something sports related, like baseball or sportscenter. My favorite was during the Olympics because I managed to go at that perfect time when M. Phelps was going for his 8 golds live. It was thrilling and helped me forget about my workout. Same goes for when Boston beat those stupid Lakers for the NBA championship. And if I were going to be here for March Madness, I just know I would be able to workout for an hour straight without thinking of all the excercise I'm plodding through. And isn't that the point of a television in a gym? To distract you from your workout?

Well, with stupid ole' football, the harder workout is to attempt to be entertained by a sport that is constantly showing shots of the coach on the sidelines, the scantily clad cheerleaders, and yet another football huddle on the field. How DARE anyone say baseball is boring when football has a flag called like every other second and we are treated to another shot of the ref making arm gestures to some random guy up in a booth? If I have to watch another pointless attempt to work one's team down a field by trying to run through a defense, I might kill someone. I mean, it is NOT thrilling to see them gain one yard at a time. And field goals, don't even get me started. In no way do these easy shots hold the thrill of a free throw at a critical moment.

I am willing (just barely) to allow that a Hail Mary is kinda exciting. But that 10 seconds of prayer and desperation do NOT make up for hours of sheer boredom. I will also allow that football movies can be great. I will argue this is largely due to great editing and a sympathetic hero like Rudy. However, even in movies, no football movie can make my top 5 sports movies of all time. And yes, it's great when your team makes it to the superbowl/bowl game, and yes, I did like Steve Young like every other mormon alive. But that was when I didn't pay attention to the mind-numbing monotony that is football.

I've always been a smidge prejudice against any sport that encourages brutality for the sake of the team. So to be fair, I came into this sport with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. Also, their cheerleaders "outfits" (if two scraps of fabric can be called an outfit) offend my feminist sensibility. But I never thought that trying to watch a game would insult my attention. Golf is much more interesting. Soccer? WAY more interesting. And while I'm not willing to acknowledge NASCAR as a sport, I bet it's loads more exciting than football.

Somehow, for these past few months, there seems to be a football game on EVERY time I go to the gym. I can't escape it. And while I do bring my ipod for something to listen to, it doesn't help me when I need a good focus point in front of me, and I can't avoid the huge t.v. taking up almost the entire wall. What I would give to have a boring show about stocks, or an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond (a show I don't particularly care for...they are too mean to one another, and not in a funny way) over the dredgery that is a game of football. But no, now we are in playoff season. I would be grateful for the end of the college season, but unfortunately, we still have the NFL playoffs. And you would think that with the limited number of teams playing, I wouldn't have to suffer every day. But I have no doubt they are going to manage to find a football game somewhere to play for every day of the week. And I'm equally sure we will be tortured with Arena football once the joke that is the superbowl is over. I mean, when you have to spice up the culminating competition of your particular sport with getting-lamer-as-time-goes-on commercials and new episodes of House or Greys Anatomy, as well as a halftime show featuring an on-the-verge has-been (though this year it's The Boss, and I kinda like him...still won't watch though), clearly there is something incredibly dull about said sport.

Am I wrong people? I beg you to find some justifiable reason to waste even 30 minutes of my time with a sport that promotes rage/violence in men, yet still can't even be entertaining on a trashy level. In the meantime, I will be gritting my teeth and not praying that my workout ends soon, but that the football season will end/the t.v. will break.

(Disclaimer...I apologize for the awkward phrasing and heavy use of caps...this is a rant I would rather give in person, but a girls gotta rant when she's gotta rant, so my blog it is.)