So it's the end of the first week in August. It actually went by pretty fast, which I never mind. I love things that move by quickly when I have anticipation simmering slowly. However, my panic mode for Grad School has also been moving along quickly as well. I plan to take the GRE on October 7th. Believe me, the dread and anxiety I feel over this test is only matched by the panic I feel for the actual application process and the desperate hunt for recommendations that aren't there. I have begun studying my GRE book and am already lost. I haven't even hit the math section yet. I find my mind a complete blank during the studying process and while thinking about the likelihood of getting in.
The thing is, I know it's not the end of the world if I don't get into grad school. Worse things have happened. I will do what I always do, survive. What stresses me out are those with an absolute certainty that I should get in. I hate that. Because if I don't get accepted, then I feel like I've let down more than myself. And the fact is, I'm not as competitive as people are fooling themselves into believing. I'm pretty average. Add that to the complete lack of academic recommendations I have in my court and odds aren't great. I wish I could get a job advising people what they need to do from my mistakes. I mean, yes, you hear certain bits of wisdom on what will make you really competitive for college and grad school, but I really feel they leave a lot out. For instance, the relationships you have to build with your faculty. I never realized how important this was until I was a year graduated and it was too late to go back and cultivate a mentor type bond.
So I've now feel enormous anxiety over this GRE that I don't understand, and doubt I ever will. When did it become so easy to forget everything you've ever learned? I can rock at the movie game, but give me a word analogy and I'm screwed. Because of all of this stress I've heaped on myself, work becomes a blissful relief. Never though I would say that.
Therefore, I fear/hope these next two months fly by, and then it will all be prayers and wishing after that.
Why, oh why did I not major in business?
4 comments:
Tamara and I are going to send up plenty of prayers to help keep you afloat. School is scary, and so is the thought of giving up a job to return to school. I'm real nervous, because I think- Okay, so I'll go to school after Tamara's done with her degree. But what if we have a kid? can I work enough to support the family AND go back to school?" Thigns like that.
Hang in there- if you need a Gmail chat study buddy, give me a holler. Love you!
stress is always good for pushing you to do better....I can't imagine how hard the GRE is, and I'm lucky I don't have to take it (just yet anyway) but who knows...I might have to one day & I, too, have completely forgotten everything! My sister took it and said it was a BEAR to take...My collegue said it was easy as PIE. Who do you believe? I dunno. Pray often, study as much as your body and mind will allow, eat a good breakfast, beg for people to write you a good recommendation, and rely on the Lord to do the rest. That's all we can do sometimes.
sidenote: I'm loving your sidebar stuff. REALLY loving it.
to the point: that IS a tough split of emotions! Happy/scared/excited/dread... Makes me tired to think about it. I'm proud of your drive and your focus out there in the Sandbox. You're going to do amazing.
Beckie! I'm glad I found your blog! I've been thinking about you! You sound great! You'll do great on your test--I know it! I've always been jealous of how smart you really are!! Miss you!!
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